Good out of weakness. Strict normative principles so as to control the world. A moral absolutist so as not to get hurt. Actions not adhering to, not possible to adhere to, such strict moral principles. Hurt inevitably following. Afraid to live. Ashamed to love. Each breath self-reflective. Critical. Analytical. Simply not comfortable in my own […]
Tag: existential
The illusory fortress
I know that. Living to avoid life. Erecting walls of fake concrete. Thick. High. Encompassing the spirit, the mind. I know that. Belief in those fake concrete walls. Belief they are impenetrable. Apparent safety within. Each minute head bowed. Praying, sacrificing, worshiping an illusion. Within the comfortable confines of illusory fortresses, ego is king. Weakness […]
Thought for food – 6
Train the mind to dwell in the fraction of a moment after a conscious experience but before the naming of it. There the ego has yet to form; there salvation from the self can be found.
Infinite fear
Fear to fear to fear to fear. If sentences could readily bend, I’d twist that one end to end, To illustrate the following truth: Fear brings fear in an infinite loop. Instead a daily dose of wretched I shall permit – Of living life choked by anxious threat; Of more than words bending end to […]
Blameless organic life
Life is organic; an unfolding web of cause and effect. Free will and the sense of self are illusory, and we all come laden with evolutionary, cultural, and familial baggage. Our neural networks are infinitely nuanced, such that no two people in a population of billions are exactly the same. Life is staggeringly complex, seemingly […]
Day is night
In my soul day is light and dark is night, Blind are lies and truth is sight; And in my soul the deepest spite, For a world where right is wrong and wrong is right.
Why glimpse into the ether? – comment
In response to a recent query. I thought it worth sharing, as it highlights the motivation behind the seemingly tortuous mission to ‘know thyself’. ‘For me, I not only glimpse into the ether, I spend days, months, years, living within and breathing the ether. If by ether you mean the unknown, the fear and anxiety […]
This is Water – David Foster Wallace
Note: this commencement speech was given in 2005. It was recently recommended to me by a close friend. It distills and conveys an approach to living that, in my mind, should guide each of us on our journeys. YouTube audio can be found here. “Greetings parents and congratulations to Kenyon’s graduating class of 2005. There […]
Thought for food – 4
Each path a life; the worn and barely used alike. The majority of your fellow travellers rarely, if ever, escape their guiding illusions, their paths crisscrossing the world, forming wide corridors and highways of frenzied activity, leading nowhere. They may have tread many more an empty mile than you, but in your stubbornness and reluctance […]
Alone in a world of believers
You are blessed and cursed to have found your meaning in the question of meaning itself. Blessed to be motivated to take a journey of deepest discovery, not only of the universe without, but of the universe within. Cursed to be born in a world of believers, who are constantly and continuously tricked by the […]
As I lie awake staring at the faint light filtering through the space between the boards in my mind
Raising head, Lifting eyes from dark, Stepping outward, From underground. Strange hollowness, Echoes in mind, Empty of pretense, Confident in not knowing. Optimism seeking light, Broken long dormancy, Entering the world without, Blinding, suffocating familiarity. Same grey streets; Same concrete buildings; Same managed woods and rectangular fields and forgettable faces on Sunday walks on worn […]
Notes – What is consciousness?
Immediate thoughts after meditation session: For a brief time I was able to invert the common experience of consciousness being located behind the face and in the middle of the head. I was able to expand the location of consciousness to fill the four walls within which I was seated. I am still pondering this […]
Conversations with myself – #4
I’ve resisted writing. There is little new to say. Old terrain, worn terrain. And I annoy myself. And how! But it goes round. This thought. And that. Fueled by fear. Fear itself. Fear of failure. Fear of embarrassment. Fear of weakness. Fear of being seen. Fear of second place, of ridicule, of pain. Fear of […]
Mission statement for 2019
Don’t mistake the crowd for the truth; failing to fit in does not mean you’re broken. Your horizons might extend further than your neighbour’s, your colleague’s, your friend’s; trust in your own eyes, let others trust in theirs. With deference to Hamlet, might I add: there is also nothing either right or wrong, but truth […]
Optimism
Set me adrift in the blackness, Let me spin aimlessly like a homeless globe, Traversing endless light-years without bearing. Release me to the void. To the black velvety comfort of a lightless horizon. I see. I hear. Nothing. A selfish bastard denying the world. One final cowardly display of spite. I spit at thee and […]
Alienation: an experiment
Here’s an experiment. Tomorrow, before entering the world, wear your hair a different way. Don socks that don’t match. When asked ‘how are you?’, don’t lie. Frown. When the queen walks in, remain seated. Be honest. Be yourself tomorrow. Unless you are infinitely agreeable, unless your hair looks equally good parted, unless you are God, […]
Aphorisms – 2
Heed not too quickly the disapproving gaze, it may be the clearest proof yet you are on the correct way.
Aphorisms – 1
I’d rather fail a thousand times, before succeeding at something I despise.
An introvert’s reminder
Arrogance is bad. Arrogance grounded in ignorance is even worse. Independence may be a defense from the truth, a form of self-righteousness and silent arrogance. Don’t seal yourself from the world, and claim superiority. We may be our own worst (or forgiving) judges, yet removed from the tempering wisdom found only in human contact, our […]
Venting
Don’t hide behind clichés to justify yourself. Don’t blame the craziness of this world for your crazy actions. Take some goddamned responsibility. Yeah, this life is crazy! Simply acknowledging that does not excuse your craziness, does not give it justification, does not clear the path to forgiveness and understanding. Let me tell you, you don’t […]
