This damn thing is an absurd joke. Oh not again. Not again. I’ve seen myself a thousand times and I have not changed a bit. One day it will all end. The ideals of a frightened boy: all smashed. One day it will all end and the ideals will not save me. We were made […]
Tag: death
Here I choose to live
A new world opened before me. One overflowing with light and love. I am neither reluctant nor expectant to enter, for reluctance implies doubt, expectancy implies dependency; I neither fear what lies within, nor seek salvation. I know this world is meant for me. I will take my time to explore and learn. I will […]
I walk towards the dancing light
If there is no light, then there is no dark. I have fallen into the dark; I have become despair, doubt, infinite dread. The dark says, ‘Turn your back on the light, there is no hope there; the closer you are permitted to come to the light, the further you will inevitably fall. Stay here, […]
Infinite fear
Fear to fear to fear to fear. If sentences could readily bend, I’d twist that one end to end, To illustrate the following truth: Fear brings fear in an infinite loop. Instead a daily dose of wretched I shall permit – Of living life choked by anxious threat; Of more than words bending end to […]
Epitaph
There she lay. Clearly at peace. Unburdened of 93 years of life. A warrior; strong, resolute, stubborn, beautiful. Were those eyes to suddenly open, it wouldn’t have surprised me. Were she to beat death, it would simply draw from me a knowing smile. In life there are two options: to crawl into the past and […]
Lyrics #6 – Beggars by Thrice
Check song and lyrics out here. Beggars All you great men of power, you who boast of your feats Politicians and entrepreneurs Can you safeguard your breath in the night while you sleep? Keep your heart beating steady and sure? As you lie in your bed does the thought haunt your head That you’re really […]
The fasting soul
There are words to capture how I feel, I have lowered my caloric intake to zero To discover what they are. My mind and body are one, Starving for nourishment, Twisting into hungry knots. What matters in this state? This life is all I get, And I fill it with emptiness; Cardboard cutouts of complex […]
Conversations with myself – #2
Stop feeding off my pain. I cannot take it any longer. The burden, the weight, is far too great. I am no longer your scapegoat, your bearer of misfortune. My pain cannot heal you. I am not your savior. Though I love you, I need my strength for me. For me and for them. (When […]
I only move if you push me
It is slowing down. The letters, the words, only now a trickle. A sign of change. Healing, optimism? Or the opposite: resignation? This….this is my life. This is my life? Resignation. Someone, oh someone pick me up! Bathe and clothe and nurture me. Point the way, or better yet, take me there. Oh, someone please […]
Dissociation
Stop that grasping, and just let it go. I don’t exist, and never have. This body, this mind, these cells of bone, muscle, nerves and skin. I am an illusion, emerging from a neural network, unifying through gross abstraction, these multiple, interacting, embedded parts. I am and I am not. I am here, but I […]
How to end a conversation before it begins
‘How are you?’ ‘How are you?’ she said. In a floating transitional state, waiting for the cosmos to give me the sign. Where are my legs? And gravity? In a hyper-(ir)rational state. Am I sure of my arithmetic? Who says the world is logical? Logic to prove logic seems, well, ill-logical. I am tense. But […]
Quote #4
Hitting bottom isn’t a weekend retreat. It’s not a goddamn seminar. Stop trying to control everything and just let go! LET GO! – Tyler Durden from Fight Club
A rose sits atop a ladder of thorns
Just because it hurts doesn’t make it bad. And pleasure can be an insidious companion. Addiction may bring ecstatic release; enlightened dedication, anxious suffocation. The devil wears many guises, and a rose sits atop a ladder of thorns.
Lullaby
Sing me softly to sleep life, Let all my dreams drip into days, Let love and joy fill me life, Till death takes me gently away. Sing me softly to sleep life, And never let me wake.
