Turning within to walk outward
Immediate thoughts after meditation session: For a brief time I was able to invert the common experience of consciousness being located behind the face and in the middle of the head. I was able to expand the location of consciousness to fill the four walls within which I was seated. I am still pondering this […]
What did you want to be as a kid? I ask you – myself – what did you want to be as a kid? Did you want to be a slave to your obsessions? To your insecurities? Did you want to feel trapped inside your own mind? Did you pine to be, just simply long […]
I’m not reaching out. I’m not playing the victim. I’m not drowning in self-pity (though my knees are definitely wet). I’m reaching inward. I am fighting. I may be drowning in tears of frustration, sadness, hope, joy. I am suffering, but I am not only suffering. I am healing. Slowly, methodically, not always patiently, always […]
Stop feeding off my pain. I cannot take it any longer. The burden, the weight, is far too great. I am no longer your scapegoat, your bearer of misfortune. My pain cannot heal you. I am not your savior. Though I love you, I need my strength for me. For me and for them. (When […]
I can’t force the parts of me to emerge, to come out from hiding. That is one of the paradoxes here: set the mind to let go of control, make that a goal, and the mind automatically elects an executor, gives it the label ‘I’, and sets to work. But by that very act, the […]
Severed narratives. Ego, understanding, security, perspective, ripped asunder. Open, festering, emotional wounds. Who am I? With what do I build again? How do I see again? Where does the nightmare end and the future begin? I repeat: where does the nightmare end and the future begin? Optimistically uncertain. But afraid. Nervous. What parts of the […]
The Abyss Post 