Turning within to walk outward
You are blessed and cursed to have found your meaning in the question of meaning itself. Blessed to be motivated to take a journey of deepest discovery, not only of the universe without, but of the universe within. Cursed to be born in a world of believers, who are constantly and continuously tricked by the […]
Raising head, Lifting eyes from dark, Stepping outward, From underground. Strange hollowness, Echoes in mind, Empty of pretense, Confident in not knowing. Optimism seeking light, Broken long dormancy, Entering the world without, Blinding, suffocating familiarity. Same grey streets; Same concrete buildings; Same managed woods and rectangular fields and forgettable faces on Sunday walks on worn […]
Order born of fear. Claiming the seconds that make up the minutes that make up a life. Doubting, too, these thoughts.
I’ve resisted writing. There is little new to say. Old terrain, worn terrain. And I annoy myself. And how! But it goes round. This thought. And that. Fueled by fear. Fear itself. Fear of failure. Fear of embarrassment. Fear of weakness. Fear of being seen. Fear of second place, of ridicule, of pain. Fear of […]
Don’t mistake the crowd for the truth; failing to fit in does not mean you’re broken. Your horizons might extend further than your neighbour’s, your colleague’s, your friend’s; trust in your own eyes, let others trust in theirs. With deference to Hamlet, might I add: there is also nothing either right or wrong, but truth […]
Set me adrift in the blackness, Let me spin aimlessly like a homeless globe, Traversing endless light-years without bearing. Release me to the void. To the black velvety comfort of a lightless horizon. I see. I hear. Nothing. A selfish bastard denying the world. One final cowardly display of spite. I spit at thee and […]
Here’s an experiment. Tomorrow, before entering the world, wear your hair a different way. Don socks that don’t match. When asked ‘how are you?’, don’t lie. Frown. When the queen walks in, remain seated. Be honest. Be yourself tomorrow. Unless you are infinitely agreeable, unless your hair looks equally good parted, unless you are God, […]
Spent a lifetime talking to that metaphorical wall, Beat my hands and head until they bled. Through streaming tears pleaded desperately, ‘WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME?’ Spent a lifetime talking to that metaphorical wall, Until yesterday, When I chose to listen.
Heed not too quickly the disapproving gaze, it may be the clearest proof yet you are on the correct way.
I’d rather fail a thousand times, before succeeding at something I despise.
What did you want to be as a kid? I ask you – myself – what did you want to be as a kid? Did you want to be a slave to your obsessions? To your insecurities? Did you want to feel trapped inside your own mind? Did you pine to be, just simply long […]
Arrogance is bad. Arrogance grounded in ignorance is even worse. Independence may be a defense from the truth, a form of self-righteousness and silent arrogance. Don’t seal yourself from the world, and claim superiority. We may be our own worst (or forgiving) judges, yet removed from the tempering wisdom found only in human contact, our […]
Don’t hide behind clichés to justify yourself. Don’t blame the craziness of this world for your crazy actions. Take some goddamned responsibility. Yeah, this life is crazy! Simply acknowledging that does not excuse your craziness, does not give it justification, does not clear the path to forgiveness and understanding. Let me tell you, you don’t […]
The mind has made a switch, From days inward searching spent, To heed the call of assumed responsibilities, And rejoin the careening wheels of society. The mind has made a switch, And slides sadly into this communal pit.
Insight my mind has not brought! Endless loops with doubt fraught! Infinite thoughts pitifully caught! Stagnation has only wrought rot!
With my fingernails broken I scratch, Every single hidden crevice and patch, Until I, tediously excavating the last, Finally from this space move past. And yet with doubt constantly plagued, Trapped wild beast mercilessly caged, In my head the war bloodily waged, Inane, insane, engulfed, enraged. Have you yourself lost in loops been? Thoughts’ ends […]
I’m not reaching out. I’m not playing the victim. I’m not drowning in self-pity (though my knees are definitely wet). I’m reaching inward. I am fighting. I may be drowning in tears of frustration, sadness, hope, joy. I am suffering, but I am not only suffering. I am healing. Slowly, methodically, not always patiently, always […]
Healing doesn’t have to look magical or pretty. Real healing is hard, exhausting and draining. Let yourself go through it. Don’t try to paint it as anything other than what it is. Be there for yourself with no judgement. – Floating around Twitter and Facebook
I apologize in advance; I don’t want to bore you with these things. I know sooner than later I will be speaking alone to the abyss; my voice a fading echo traveling through stale air, reaching no ears. Nobody will hear. The pain, the fear. I want to run. Faster than the wind outside these […]
There are words to capture how I feel, I have lowered my caloric intake to zero To discover what they are. My mind and body are one, Starving for nourishment, Twisting into hungry knots. What matters in this state? This life is all I get, And I fill it with emptiness; Cardboard cutouts of complex […]
The Abyss Post 