Turning within to walk outward
A Blog about Mental Health, OCD and Recovery
“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms...”
Tales of humour, whimsy and courgettes
(adj.) won't leave easily
Simply a former Mormon discovering the wonders of the universe
Political Skeptics
Caring About Our World Reflecting About Life
Running it down, one thought at a time.
Crafting my thoughts into poetry and prose.
Take nothing but memories, leave nothing but footprints...
Oh, Chimera! You bitch! You miserable fucking bitch! I hate you! I do. I do. When I slid from the womb, you greeted me. This is how it seems to me; I cannot remember a time you had not inserted your venom in my fresh vein. A time I was free, was there? When I achieved words, I noticed you in my head. I thought you. I imagined you in splendour. The most beautiful lass of an eternal spring . Bees in rosy cups. Dew on morning grass. Say, 5. Jesus Christ, 5. You bitch. You could have turned and left me hole, but that was not your plan. Was it! And you have carried it all these years and polluted my story, have controlled a script I would not want, and I the victim of my own addicted lust. No human being would want that. I did not want you. Want lust for you, whom I could not have. I wanted freedom from you. That is what I was angry for. You damn thing! I did not want you in a way that would have been good for me. I longed for you, craved you, lusted for you, powerless to foreswear the storm. Like having mad, mad seamen. Forever have I reached, and always could not grasp. Held off shore by a ceaseless, contrary wind. Hopelessly striving. You. The most beautiful. Most desireous. You never materialized, never gave me your grace, the peace of pure or carnal love. I humble myself before you yet. I am not saved, or reformed, or free of your torment. I will be when I am dead. Only then, be damned. I long for your embrace the rest of my days. My dread of Hell is an afterlife with you, the first agony I meet. Jesus, may I perish totally from any Earth, from such a Hell. I want nothing more than to have you or to be rid of you, complete. You bitch. May death, annihilation body and soul, I pray is my salvation. Then to hell with you. To HELL with you, Chimera!
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This reminds me of Emily Dickenson’s surgery in her poetry to present such insight in so brief and beautiful a cut. Beautiful and loaded with pathos.
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